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The Unsafe Coach | When to Worry

  • Writer: FPA Team
    FPA Team
  • Jun 1
  • 3 min read

The unsafe coach rarely shows themselves through one shocking moment. The risk hides in repeating patterns: private messaging that turns secret, isolated meetings, special favourite status, body comments, and pressure not to tell. This article helps you spot the warning signs of the unsafe coach and use the right safeguarding steps to protect your child.


Are you sure you understand your child’s coach’s boundaries?



What the Unsafe Coach Looks Like

Some red flags are obvious. Others first look "friendly". Common patterns include:

  • Private messaging that becomes frequent, secretive, or emotionally intense

  • One-to-one contact in isolated places without transparency

  • Humiliation, sexualised comments, body comments, or "jokes" aimed at a football player

  • Pressure to keep secrets or "special favourite" status, like "Don't tell anyone, you are my favourite"

  • Unnecessary physical contact, or contact that ignores consent and comfort

  • Retaliation when a football player sets a limit

A single item does not prove intent. Safeguarding focuses on patterns, context, and power, not isolated incidents.


Why Patterns Matter More Than One Event

Children and teenagers depend on adults for selection, status, and belonging. That dependence creates an uneven power balance. Maltreatment can occur in sport contexts, and the normalisation of harmful behaviour is part of the problem.


A boundary-crossing environment also silences reporting. A football player may fear losing minutes, being labelled "difficult", or being blamed. Psychological violence is the most common form of interpersonal violence experienced by children inside sport. It is linked to disordered eating, self-harm indicators, and reduced mental health in elite athletes. The cost of ignoring patterns is real, not theoretical.


This is why "he is just a tough coach" is not a safe answer. Patterns deserve formal attention.


Boundary Crossing Coach interacting too closely with teenage football players

What to Do When You Notice Red Flags

If something feels wrong, treat it seriously and use formal routes:

  • Document patterns with dates, times, locations, and witnesses

  • Use club safeguarding procedures (welfare officer, safeguarding lead)

  • If there is immediate danger, contact emergency services

  • Avoid private confrontation that could increase risk to the child or destroy evidence

  • Follow written policy step by step

These steps are about safety, not accusation. They protect your football player and help the club respond properly. Do not wait for "proof". Reporting a pattern of concerns is exactly what the system is built for. Welfare officers are trained for pattern-based cases.


What a Safe Football Environment Looks Like

A safe environment is boring in the best way:

  • Clear adult-child boundaries

  • Transparent communication channels, no secret private chats

  • Open-door culture where concerns can be raised without fear

  • Respectful feedback without humiliation or sexualised comments

  • Decisions explained without threats or secrecy

Safeguarding is not an "extra". It is the foundation of every healthy academy.


Parent Advice

  1. Document specific patterns of secret messaging, isolated contact, or retaliation with dates and witnesses, then escalate through your club's welfare officer.

  2. Treat single concerning incidents seriously but focus on repeating patterns of secrecy, special status, or pressure that signal coaching boundary violations.

  3. Avoid private confrontation when patterns emerge, follow safeguarding policy steps, and contact emergency services if your football player faces immediate danger.


Key Takeaways

  1. Boundary violations rarely appear as one shocking event, they accumulate as private messaging, isolation, secrecy pressure, body comments, and retaliation.

  2. Power imbalance between coach and football player silences reporting, so visible safeguarding pathways protect children better than informal personal trust.

  3. Safe coaching environments offer transparent communication, explained decisions, and respectful feedback, never secrecy, threats, retaliation, or special favourite status.


Clear answers in 2 minutes.



References

Hartill, M., Rulofs, B., Allroggen, M., Demarbaix, S., Diketmüller, R., Lang, M., Martin, M., Nanu, I., Sage, D., Stativa, E., Kampen, J., & Vertommen, T. (2023). Prevalence of interpersonal violence against children in sport in six European countries. Child Abuse & Neglect, 146, 106513. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.chiabu.2023.106513


Khomutova, A., Chroni, S. A., Kavanagh, E., Ruffault, A., Miles, A., Moesch, K., Fontanesi, L., Nery, M., & Vertommen, T. (2025). FEPSAC position statement on safeguarding athletes in sport. Psychology of Sport and Exercise, 80, 102897. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.psychsport.2025.102897


Tuakli-Wosornu, Y. A., Burrows, K., Fasting, K., Hartill, M., Hodge, K., Kaufman, K., Kavanagh, E., Kirby, S. L., MacLeod, J. G., Mountjoy, M., Parent, S., Tak, M., Vertommen, T., & Rhind, D. J. A. (2024). IOC consensus statement on interpersonal violence and safeguarding in sport. British Journal of Sports Medicine, 58(22), 1322–1344. https://doi.org/10.1136/bjsports-2024-108766


Willson, E., Buono, S., Kerr, G., & Stirling, A. (2025). The relationship between psychological abuse, athlete satisfaction, eating disorder and self-harm indicators in elite athletes. Frontiers in Sports and Active Living, 6, 1406775. https://doi.org/10.3389/fspor.2024.1406775


Willson, E., Buono, S., Kerr, G., & Stirling, A. (2023). Maltreatment experiences and mental health indicators among elite athletes. Psychology of Sport and Exercise, 69, 102493. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.psychsport.2023.102493

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